My Last Letter To God;
I think we really need to talk & due to the content- I think it only fair to let others become witness of this "one-way" conversation, just like it has always been since the early days of my child-hood. "Why was it that "every prayer I had ever prayed was always "ignored? You never even sent a messenger- & if you did, "you forgot to give me the wisdom to understand the message. "Not even one prayer was ever answered- yet millions of folks swear up & down that their prayers were "always answered. I dont get it.
I wasted over 30 years always trying to do the right thing- even gave you out-right permission to have me possessed with any Prophet or "Angel of wisdom of your choice- even invited the Holy-spirit to possess me. But even that invitation was ignored. 99% of all my prayers were (un-selfish) in my younger days. The other 1% percent was always out of desparation. Even unto this very day; "You still keep your silence. (Why?) Whats so special about those other folk who claim to always get their prayers answered? You already know that I was raised in a very strict & orthodox home with prayers before meals & prayer "after meals? "Prayers before bed-time & prayers upon awakening? "Daily bible readings with "random pop quizzes from Dad & if I gave him an incorrect answer; it meant NO TV or "to bed without supper? Do you remember those good old days!? "I sure do, & I cant let them go- as much as I would like to forget those days, "they still continue to haunt me today.
"Jesus was the daily house-hold name for years & years to come. When I finally left home as a (leagle adult), I felt like I had been released from "prison" yet, less than even one year later- I started having disturbing dreams about all those Preachers & Bible teachers I had to endure all of their "Hell fire & damnation-lessons. "Even had a visiting minister yell at me saying: "Boy- your going strait to hell & Gods grace will not save you! "I was only 7 years old. I couldnt see what the big deal was. It was just a cigarrett he caught me with + "taking Gods name in vain by my hollering "God-dammit, upon my capture. You see- back then; "if you smoked (anything) it was considered "sin against your own body & taking Gods name in vain was called the "unpardonable one,...regardless of your age group. "Do you remember those days God? "I sure do & when I caught the preacher in "church kissing another mans wife in the break-room, that preacher let loose of all kinds of vain references to your name. I was about 8 at that time.
Do you recall the time I caught a group of visiting singers lighting up in the back of the church-building during "intermission at that camp-meeting revival? Do you recall all those vain references to your name that they hailed toward me then saying; "kid- if you tell anyone about what you seen us doing, we will throw your ass in hell ourself. I was only 9 years old & "...God? "I do hope you know that those were not "cigarretts they were burning...:) Here I am today @ the age of 57. I havent smoked anything since I was 25- but, then again I have asthma to thank for that one. Just one more question- & Im done and I promise that you will never hear another prayer from my lips... "Why did you allow my wife "Maryann to die on the delivery-table along with our child in 1986? I had already offered myself in their place. Were they more worthy of being a better-sacrifice in the name of your "Vain-glory than "myself? I will understand- if you never answer that one and "now, you will have to endure my silence, but my wrath toward your choice of cruilties will remain in "your face "forever. The bottom-line is; "You could have spared me from all of the above- unless, your not really so "all mighty after all?... "CHOW!